parkinsonSpace

Last week I wrote about pessimism and the difficulties of the last few months. This week on some days I have been absolutely euphoric. My walking has sometimes been excellent, as it used to be before I was diagnosed. That feeling comes a few times a month, now more frequently than it used to. It comes when I start walking and feel a lightness in my legs, pushing off with the foot and striding out along the pavement.

Some days this feeling will last a minute or so. But on days when everything clicks, it will continue much longer. I will feel my legs marching with delight, oblivious to problems, easily coping with noise, people and any obstacle. I may not even need music or the lines of flagstones to get me going.

There is an exhilaration that glows as I walk 30, 40. 50, 60 minutes … On Thursday evening I arrived at my home railway station at 10:00 PM but I was so confident in my walking that I didn’t mind I had missed the bus. I walked home for half an hour in the murky drizzle. The delight this gives me is impossible to describe. It is evidence that it is possible to return to the condition of the past, but two questions concerned me as I walked home. One was what exactly made the difference, how is it that my body responds on such occasions. The second is how long will this last. I want to continue walking to enjoy the feeling, the liberation. But I fear arriving home, going to sleep and waking up to find I’m stiff and the fluency has evaporated.